The Caring Relationship: Elderly People and their Families

Long Distance Relationships: How to care for your parent when you live out-of-state

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In the opposite direction, a negative support score of just one point difference saw the risk rise by 31 per cent. Between , 3. The research sample was made up of 5, men and 4, women, all of whom were over the age of 50 and living in England.

Will Caring For Aging Parents Destroy Your Family Relationships?

It underlines the importance of the quality of interactions, as opposed to quantity and is something that all children with elderly relatives should bear in mind. At present, there is no cure for the conditions and the best approach is to lead a healthy lifestyle in a bid to stave off the onset. Will it come from us, their aging adult children?

Few of us are well prepared for this journey. As people live longer than we or they expected, the equally unexpected tasks of ensuring their care and safety fall to us. Seniors are caring for their more senior folks.

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As we see at AgingParents. Some dread the burden of the physical work involved, particularly with parents who are unable to care for themselves any longer. It takes a special commitment to a loved one to cut back on or quit a job to take care of Mom or Dad. Even more trying is the added responsibility of simultaneously managing kids still at home.

After age 65, we may even be looking after and impaired sibling at the same time. Yet we see countless daughters and daughters-in-law stepping in to do what is needed. Some are devoted sons and son-in-laws, though this is less common. Not everyone is suited to the chores, however. Caring for an aging parent may start out low key.

4. Caring for Aging Parents

It can be a few days a week at first and involve doing a few tasks an aging parent can no longer handle. But as time passes and a loved one's health declines, the tasks mount and the burden increases. If the parent has adequate funds to pay for outside help it is great, but someone has to hire, oversee and manage hired assistants just as one would in any business setting.

That responsibility may fall on the adult child too. Respect for the elderly was also observed during the interview, and comprised not only parents or grandparents, but all older individuals, regardless the level of kinship. Asking the elders' blessing, for instance, is a common habit of the youth when they get home and when they leave. Respect is not restricted to kinship, he may be my father's cousin but I call him uncle, because I respect the older ones.

P4, F, 85 years old. Respect and obedience to the elderly must be passed on to their children and grandchildren, just like they learned it from their parents. The Paraguayan culture respects the oldest ones, the elder advises the younger. The culture we learn in Paraguay will always be like this; I don't live in my country, but I always take my culture with me. This is observed in everyday life, for example, on the yerba mate circles, which are a custom of the Paraguayan culture, where the youngest participant is responsible for serving everyone. However, as these circles typically gather a large number of individuals, the youngsters can only have mate if there is enough for them.

With the grandchildren that came now, things are somehow different. Long-term institutions for the elderly take on the role of a new family and, for many elders, they are the only affective link they have, even if differently from in the family. However, depending on how this duty is performed, it is equally meaningful:.

Taking Care of Aging Parents: Essay About Family Relationships

I like living here institution B10, F, 74 years old. The relationship between children and their family in the old age showed differences in the speeches of some elders, evidencing the different statuses of care in different nationalities, or even in the same one, and that it is subject to different strategies.

I lost all my assets to pay for my husband's therapy. After he died, I had nothing. My children started shifting the responsibility from one to another, they said I had to spend one month with each of them, and I can see hardly anything, sick, in this push-play. I want my place, my pillow, my bed the way I like it [ Among the French, the concept that elderly people should live in specialized institutions, so their children can work and be productive, prevailed. I think there is nothing wrong, because our children are in the struggle for survival and I think it's just fair they don't have to accumulate the responsibilities of working and taking care of parents.

But I don't think it is fair to abandon parents and never visit them. But I believe parents can stay in a place where they receive care and the children, whenever possible, go visiting them. What I see in Brazil is quite different, because you can easily hire a reliable maid or even a governess for those better off. F5, F, 69 years old. It is worth highlighting that the tradition of having elders in institutions in France is explained by many reasons:. We typically live in small flats, and accommodating the elders is hard, in addition to the shortage of resources to pay someone to take care of them, because it's very expensive; and, also: the couple works and needs freedom, so what we do in France and in other similar countries is a network of facilities to host the older ones, which we call "meurent", or a place to die, to wait for death.

There are excellent luxury places, but very expensive; there are middle-class institutions also, which provide pleasant accommodations. F2, M, 65 years old. It is interesting to notice that the understanding that care in old age can be provided by professionals in specialized institutions is frequently reported by the French, regardless for how long they have been living in Brazil. As it seems, they believe this is the best option and, therefore, decide to live in places with professional care.

Maybe if I return to France in 10 years, I'll live in one of these institutions, for all the reasons I have told you and because I don't want to be a burden to my children; so, I'll live in a middle-class facility, where you have a normal life, where they provide care.

Some French elders have even got surprised when comparing the care to elderly in Brazil and France:. I have noticed that only few families in France take care of the parents.

In my last trip I was surprised with the little attention society gives to the elderly in comparison with Brazil. There, the elders have no priority or privilege as we have here. The difference with Brazil is shocking. Clearly speaking, elders there are bullied.

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F4, F, 63 years old. If I need someone, I have Chico Brazilian ex-husband who always asks me to live near him, that he will never leave me alone; so, if it isn't my daughter, it will be him. In France, it is exactly the opposite: if they have money they send you to an institution or wherever you are well cared for, with lots of money, go visit you once every three years; or, if they don't have money, the elders' end-of-life can be somehow complicated.

F1, F, 63 years old. However, some elders - although having taught their children to take care of the parents - were abandoned by their children:. Haven't I always told how I took care of your grandma, how come I took care of your grandma, and now you do this to me? It is possible to see that the B10 old lady waited her 13 children to behave like she and her parents behaved with their respective parents. My parents always told me how they took care of their parents and he father said: will you take care of me?

And I said: believe me, dad, I'll take care of you. That is the reason for the sadness in relation to the detachment and dislike of children when parents are old, and mainly for the fact that they cannot understand the need for autonomy and support during the aging process. The lessons transmitted inter- and intra-generations of the same nationality, which are understood as habits, customs, religion, beliefs, among others, were mentioned as something that should be kept even when they are out of their country of origin.

They define the rules and conducts of each family member. To the Lebanese, the example of adults taking care of the elderly should be followed by the younger ones and the custom, whenever observed in family, is practiced by its members:. I hope my children have the same respect to me as I care for my mother, because many times they see the tradition, if it is observed in the family it is preserved, if it is not put in practice it is forgotten.

L7, M, 60 years old.

However, generation upon generation the tendency is to relax education and, at the same time, be influenced by other cultures, leading to changes on the descendants' behaviors, as perceived by the elders:. For example: when my granddaughters come here, they don't ask my blessing. But it wasn't this way, we were raised in a different way in Paraguay. If I go to Paraguay now and I meet the children, they ask my blessing. Differently from what my sons taught to my grandchildren, because they got married with Brazilian women and live here in Brazil P5, F, 68 years old.

The Brazilian elderly rarely mention transmitting down to children habits related to care of and respect for the older ones. However, they say that, just like they took care of their parents, they hope they can get a similar treatment from their children, although they notice changes on this habit over the years, and manifest doubts about its continuity:. But I guess some children don't even care about their parents. The doubt about the continuity of care and respect for parents was also mentioned by another elder:.

Youngsters don't even want to listen to the older ones, they say the elderly knows nothing.

Although the Brazilian elderly longs for care and respect from their families, they are not concerned about teaching it to their children, maybe because they did not believe they would get so old. In fact, filial care is not a well-defined cultural habit in Brazil. This could be related to the fact that Brail is still a prominently young country. When my children were young I didn't teach them to take care of me when I got older, [ The phenomenon "Perceiving that sociocultural practices modulate family relationships and bring meaning to filial care" shows the complex link between individual, family and society, and the singularities of the aging process and its cultural symbolisms.

It should be remembered that origin, beliefs, values and family relationships throughout life are relevant factors in the process of filial care during the old age of these families.

The experience of aging in different ethnic contexts comprises the countless relationships of family, friendship and marital experienced by the old people of the five nationalities under study. In the Arab culture, children must strictly obey and respect their parents, and men are responsible for maintaining the family and taking care of their old parents. Interaction symbolizes and reinforces the relationships between family members and the family environment because it stands for the shared rules and values with which this group identifies.

Rights and obligations of parents and children are reported and approached also in the Koran - their sacred book - and in the words of the Prophet Muhammad: old parents have the right to be treated by their children with affection and care 9. The respect and embracement to the elderly in the Muslim family is different from those observed among the French subjects participating in the study.

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